Becoming Conscious

For those of you that know me personally, you know that over the past 4 years my husband and I have implemented some significant changes in the way that our family lives.  These changes include some changes in our personal philosophy on life, our parenting choices, and numerous changes regarding the products that we utilize in our home, put on our bodies, and ingest.  Some people like to label these choices as hippy, crunchy, granola, woodsy, earthy, holistic, green (take your pick as I really do not care what you choose to call us).  I prefer to just consider myself as conscious.  My family and I are making conscious decisions based on research and information that we have acquired and are not blindly accepting things because they are the standard or what is considered socially acceptable. 

This post is the beginning of a series of posts that I plan on sharing a little of this lifestyle.  At this time I do not think I am going to put any boundaries on what this may include.  Perhaps one day it will be a formula for one of the many things that we utilize around the house, maybe it will be a project or craft that has improved our lives, perhaps a recipe that our family has come to love, or perhaps just a discussion on why we have made specific choices during this journey.

So let me tell you a little about us (perhaps this should have been my first post, but I definitely have developed some excellent procrastination skills throughout my life):

We are a home water birthing, breastfeeding, baby wearing, co-sleeping family.  We are intactivists and believe that circumcision is an unnecessary and harmful procedure in most circumstances.  We believe in extended breastfeeding, baby led weaning, and baby led feeding.  We cloth diaper including cloth pull ups for potty training.  We try to eat clean: organic, local, and in season fruits and veggies, local grass-fed and finished beef and pasture raised pork, local free range chickens and eggs.  We attempt to treat maladies with natural healing modalities: acupuncture, chiropractic & craniosacral care, dietary therapy, homeopathics and herbs, and essential oils first before turning to other medical practices and medications.  Though our oldest child goes to a charter school, we also home school at every opportunity to try to help make up for what we feel the local school systems are lacking.  We believe that every question and observation that our children make can be an excellent learning opportunity.  We try not to be helicopter parents and instead try to allow our children to make their own decisions even if the consequences are less than desirable, but we are far from being completely free-range parents.  This list could go on and on, but I think you are getting the idea.

However, I will be the first to admit, we do not always succeed at living this lifestyle.  In fact, there are days that I just plain suck at being “crunchy” (or whatever you call it), those days I am just not cut-out for being THAT kind of mom.  There are some things that I have tried that I have failed miserably at.  I cannot keep a plant alive to save my life, so it is highly unlikely that my family will ever be able to live off our land (unless I pay someone to tend to it or suddenly get blessed with my mom’s greener thumb).  I have never been great at sewing, knitting, or crocheting and therefore the amount of homemade items that I produce are limited, they are often created only with help from my mother, or they take an eternity and half to complete.  I have bought non organic veggies off the dirty dozen because I was just too lazy to find organic ones.  I have used products that are filled with toxic ingredients: parabens, phthalates, triclosan—oh my!  There are evenings that I am just too [insert adjective] to cook and therefore my family eats frozen pizza, crappy food out, or *gasp* they have to fend for themselves.  I yell.  Awful, I know.  I do not know where I got it from—neither of my parents are yellers—but some days I yell and I am a force to be reckoned with.  There are other days that even yelling does not make me feel better.  Those days, I want to run away from it all-that madness that is created from being a stay-at-home mom.  I want to crawl into a dark, quiet, childless hole (with a margarita or two or a nice cold beer).  

So, yes, I am far from perfect.  I know this wholeheartedly but what matters to me is that I try and I think every day I become a little more of who I really want to be.      

More Pet Peeves and Great Coincidences

My son, who is in second grade, is learning about homophones in his writing and reading class this week.  I find it amusing and a little irritating (okay, more than a little) that this second grade concept still eludes numerous persons of the adult English speaking persuasion.  Today, I was reading an article about a woman that was told by a Victoria’s Secret employee she could not nurse her baby in the fitting room and instead should nurse in the alley behind the store (and yes, this is another topic that infuriates me, but alas we shall leave it for another day).   As I was reading the article, I came across the following quote that was taken from the woman’s Facebook post, “I have to blast Victoria’s Secret for telling me I wasn’t aloud to nurse my very hungry, fussy son in their fitting room after I spend a fair amount in their store.”

This quote of course, immediately redirected my annoyance from that of the breastfeeding in public issue to that of homophones (i.e., a word that is pronounced the same as another word but differs in meaning and spelling).  Flour/flower, be/bee, sun/son, pray/prey, to/too/two are just a few examples. 

So for Ms. Ashley Clawson, the wronged mother from Victoria’s Secret and all others that need reminding, here is today’s homophone lesson.

Aloud: audible, not silently

Allowed: (past tense of allow) to let happen, to permit

And in case you want to expand your knowledge a little further (not farther, just in case you were wondering).

Homonyms are words that share the same spelling and the same pronunciation but have entirely different meanings.

The man turned left and left his neighborhood. 

The first left in this sentence is being used as a direction, the opposite of right and the second left in replace of the word departed.

Homographs are words that are spelled the same, have different meanings, and are often pronounced differently.

Bass (the fish), bass (the instrument); lead (the metallic element), lead (to guide); wind (a gust of air), wind (to wrap in a series of coils)

Perhaps at this point you think I am hypercritical.  Perhaps I am.  But my children will surely know their (not they're or there) homophones, homonyms, and homographs.  It is just one more example of this mom's mommytary madness!   

Pet Peeves

        This morning, as I was wasting away in the depths of THE Facebook, I came across one of my biggest pet peeves: "ect".  It slightly amuses me that the vast majority of my pet peeves can be directly related to the written or oral language, especially since I am far from perfect in this regard, but perhaps that topic should be left for a different post entirely.  Despite the aggravation and dismay that was invoked upon seeing this written multiple times in a single blog post, I continued to read the post and responses.  Perhaps I should have stopped while I was only moderately aggravated, because this single transgression turned into more than I could possibly write about in a single post.  Therefore, I shall only provide a small sampling of those that bother me the most and are probably not addressed as frequently as some of the other issues that I came across.  

 

“Ect” is NOT an appropriate abbreviation for the Latin expression “et cetera”.  The appropriate abbreviation is “etc.”—do you see how those letters are in the same order as the words are spelled?  That should be your first hint that “ect” is incorrect.  Even with accepted alternate spellings: etcetera, et caetera, et coetera this point is still valid.  Also, just as a reminder, it is not pronounced “excetera”.

I will be the first to admit, that in the past I have confused these; however, these do NOT mean the same thing. “I.e.” is an abbreviation of the Latin phrase id est, which loosely means “that is” and “e.g.” is an abbreviation of the Latin phrase exempli gratia, which means “for the sake of example”.   So let’s break this down even further.  The abbreviation “i.e.” would be used to stand for “in other words” or as a way to explain or describe a previous statement or even used as a metaphor.  The abbreviation “e.g.” would be appropriately utilized when one is providing examples.  One can check the appropriate use of the abbreviations by inserting the phrase “in other words” in place of “i.e.” or “for example” in place of “e.g.”.   

When you go to the store, please buy some vegetables, i.e., a plant from that is cultivated for its edible parts.

When you go to the store please buy some vegetables, e.g., spinach, broccoli, and bok choy.

Vice versa is yet another Latin phrase that seems to trip people up.  This phrase, which means “in reverse order from that stated” or “the other way around”, is not spelled vice a versa, nor does the correct spelling contain a hyphen.  Vice versa would be appropriately utilized in order to mean conversely. 

Veterinarians that are qualified to practice veterinary medicine in Sarasota can practice veterinary medicine in Bradenton and vice versa.

            Contrary to the popular misuse of this word, it does not imply that something is superfluous.  The word “moot” means that the subject is open to discussion or is disputable.  And please, please, please do not pull a Joey (from "Friends") and be completely wrong with the word and definition: 

Mad vs. Angry

            Mad and angry do not mean the same thing and learning this fact may make you both mad and angry.  Mad refers to insanity, uncontrolled excitement or emotion, or foolishness.  Angry or anger is strong emotion or feeling of displeasure or belligerence aroused by a real or supposed wrong. 

           “Alot” is not a word.  It is so much not a word that I had to tell my auto-correct five times that I actually wanted it to be written this incorrect way for this post.  A person has a lot of things, not “a lot” of things.  Or perhaps avoiding the phrase all together would be easier: a person has numerous things.  And “a lot” should not be confused with the word allot, which is a real word, but means something completely different.  Allot means to assign a portion of or dedicate, to appropriate for a special purpose, or to divide or distribute.  The parents will allot each kid $20 to spend at the gift shop.      

Now you know.  Consider this your warning.  

What is REAL?

It was a difficult day in the Mommytary Madness household.  It is incredibly difficult to lose someone.  It is even more difficult to watch your child go through the emotions of loss.  So today, as we say goodbye to a very dear friend, I leave you with parts of a story, one of my favorites...a story many of you know very well, a story that was originally published in 1922 and has been retold and republished many times since.       

"What is REAL?" 

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse.  

“It’s a thing that happens to you.  When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

"Does it hurt?"

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 

 "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse.  “You become.  It takes a long time.  That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.  Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.  But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

 "...once you are Real you can't become unreal again.  It lasts for always."

“Weeks passed, and [he] grew very old and shabby, but the Boy loved him just as much.  He loved him so hard that he loved all his whiskers off…he even began to lose his shape…”

"And so [he] was put into a sack with the old picture-books and a lot of rubbish, and carried out to the end of the garden behind the fowl-house...[and] he thought of those long sunlit hours in the garden--how happy they were--and a great sadness came over him."

"He thought of the Skin Horse, so wise and gentle, and all that he had told him.  Of what use was it to be loved and lose one's beauty and become Real if it all ended like this?  And a tear, a real tear, trickled down his little shabby nose and fell to the ground.  And then a strange thing happened.  For where the tear had fallen a flower grew out of the ground...And presently the blossom opened, and out of it there stepped a fairy."

“I am the nursery magic Fairy,” she said.  “I take care of all the playthings that the children have loved.  When they are old and worn out and the children don’t need them any more, then I come and take them away with me and turn them into Real.”

“Wasn’t I Real before?”

“You were Real to the Boy,” the Fairy said, “because he loved you.  Now you shall be Real to every one.”

Excerpts taken from The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams Bianco

BIRTH Day Advice

 

 

     Seven years ago today I became a mother. Sure I had endured a full pregnancy and all of the “fun” that goes with it, but on this day seven years ago I no longer was just a host to the unborn. At the request (clears throat…demands) of my obgyn my son was evicted from the womb and he grudgingly joined this world at 10:38 a.m. on January 19^th, 2007. I was ill prepared for this moment as I was ill prepared for the majority of the moments of the pregnancy/my life leading up to it. 

 

     However, on that day I was finally allowed to open a letter that my mother had written for me in high school. The letter was to be open after the birth of my first child and was one of the few things that I actually remembered to pack to bring to the hospital. In that letter my mother offered up some much needed advice. As I lay in bed in my room in the mother baby unit of the hospital, trying desperately to not drop the 8 lb 4 oz sleeping baby in my arms I opened this letter.

 

     She wrote:  "You are about to embark on the most beautiful, exciting, and frustrating journey of your life."  And as a young and new mother, I had no idea what she meant.  Seven years later I can rightfully say that I have a better understanding of these words.  I have enjoyed his quirky personality, seen beauty in things that he has done that only a mother could, been a part of his adventures, and a part of his story.  I have also come to the realization that raising a child is THE most difficult and frustrating thing a person can do.  There have been days that I wondered if I was going to make it through (or if he was).   Actually these account for more days than I care to admit.  She wrote: “Through all of this there will be moments when you feel helpless and times when you are so proud you could pop.”  I can attest that these both happen quite frequently.      

     She also told to me to "enjoy it all- it passes all too quickly" and as I sit here on my son's 7th birthday I am beginning to realize what she means.  What happened to those days, those weeks, those months, those years?  How has it been seven years already?  It seems like time has flown by.  There have been times that the important things have sometimes been superseded by those that (looking back) weren't so important because frankly I’m not flawless.  But I am doing what I can and I am definitely looking forward to enjoying the years to come--frustrating days and all.     

HAPPY 7th BIRTHDAY AIDAN ANTONIO!

 

 

The Monster Who Moved In

You have all seen it depicted in some movie, comic strip, meme, or TV show.  Person is bowling, jumping hurdles, swinging, {insert other physical activity here} and suddenly falls asleep and lands in an awkward and painful position—which undoubtedly produces laughter on your part.  Most people can remember Rowan Atkinson’s character in Rat Race where he is franticly running through the hotel lobby and suddenly falls asleep standing up in the middle of all the chaos. 

 

 

Though these depictions are intended to make you laugh, narcolepsy is a really scary disorder that affects real people.      

 

Being married to a narcoleptic is like having two different relationships going on at the same time.  On one hand you have your relationship with your spouse, whom you love dearly, trust completely, and pretty much cannot live without (after all that IS why you married that person is it not?).  But on the other hand, you have a relationship with Narcolepsy—who is a selfish and aggravating monster that you try your best to tolerate but you actually hate with a passion beyond which you have ever known. 

For those of you who do not know, my husband was recently diagnosed with this monster called narcolepsy.  Narcolepsy gets first dibs on his time.  It interrupts him while he is at work, when he is trying to complete school work, and when he is at home with his family.  It affects him all the time.  His family, his friends, his work associates—we all come second to narcolepsy.  It affects him at dinner, when we are out on dates, when watching movies or catching up on TV shows at home. 

This monster has no concern for his health or the health of those around him—trying its hardest to interrupt him while driving, causing him to drop things (he hasn’t dropped the baby yet—but it has been close).  It refuses to give in and is resistant of the medications we have been throwing at it.  And if this on its own is not bad enough, narcolepsy almost always brings along its friends cataplexy and REM sleep behavioral disorder. 

For those of you who don’t know cataplexy is the abrupt loss of muscle tone, usually triggered by a strong emotion.  So picture something emotional (someone you know dying, seeing a family member struggling to heal from a traumatic surgery, even something as little as your partner being angry and yelling at you); instead of a normal response a person with cataplexy will basically faint without losing consciousness.  The person’s entire body will go limp for a few seconds to a few minutes but mentally the person is completely aware of what is happening.  That is cataplexy. 

REM sleep behavioral disorder is narcolepsy’s sleepy time partner.  You think that falling asleep all the time is bad enough---REM sleep behavioral disorder affects you while you sleep and can range from paralysis during REM sleep to unconsciously acting out a dream.  This includes sleep walking (people have even been known to drive during this condition), getting into strange positions in bed, violently flailing and hitting, having full conversations, or jumping suddenly out of bed.  Sure this can be funny—sometimes, but one can only wake up to someone standing over them so many times before their heart gives out.

   

I mean, really...you get the picture.

A person with narcolepsy is not just tired or falling asleep all the time.  People with narcolepsy often suffer from problems with concentration, irritability, short-term memory loss, and mental confusion.  Imagine trying to have a conversation with that.  And so, I will be the first to admit that I am not dealing with this monster well.  This monster brings out my own personal Mr. Hyde.  It is frustrating to always have to repeat things, to do most things by yourself because he has fallen asleep AGAIN, to constantly be the chauffeur for the entire family.  It is scary to leave our children at home alone with him or to let him drive which means that I rarely get alone time.  And on top of those concerns, every time he is late I wonder---did he fall asleep at the wheel and get in a horrible car crash.  Like I said, this monster, it affects the whole family.  Even though I know that my husband cannot control it; it is a chronic neurological disorder after all, it still angers me.  I just hope he knows that I am angry at the narcolepsy and not with him. 

Superman Was Adopted...

"So you want a baby?" She responds with an uncomfortable, stifled laugh.

And thus, our journey begins...

We are lucky.  Our journey does not begin with sorrow or pain.  It does not begin with years trying to conceive or thousands (hundreds of thousands?) of dollars down the drain.  In fact our journey begins with a happy, healthy family of four --or seven if you count those fuzzy things that sprawl around the house. 

We are lucky.  Yes, I will say it again.  And again and again and again because I know that at some point in this process I will not feel that way.  At some point our luck will run out and there is a good chance that our hearts will be broken, we will be disappointed, or something will arise that will make us feel completely helpless.  That laugh already had me doubting.  I am not trying to be pessimistic, just realistic.  It can take years to get a match and the fact is that after a match is made, an average of 10% of adoptions still fall through for one reason or another.  The more specifications and desires you put on the list (age, sex, race, etc) the longer the process can take. 

So, you may ask, if we are capable of having another baby--why don't we and spare ourselves this potential heartbreak?  The answer is pretty simple...my heart breaks every day for each and every baby and child in this world without a family and without a home and WE can do something about it for at least one of them.  One of these children could do great things with a family--our family to support and love them.  After all, Superman was adopted too. 

This week marks the beginning.  The decision has been made, research is being compiled and this incredible journey begins.  The paperwork, the home visits, the classes, the deadlines, the prying into our lives, the questions, being counselled, instructed, commanded, and laughed at--it begins today because we are going to find our baby!